Side Hustle
by Random Guise
Summary: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has had a little accident. Okay, a BIG accident. Steve Austin, Oscar Goldman and Dr. Rudy Wells have a chance to save Christmas. This is a stop-motion Christmas movie you probably won't see on TV. I don't own these characters and I am not an agent of the OSI.


**A/N: A crossover for the holiday. I started thinking about Rudolph flying during the off-season and having an accident, then wondered how I'd fix the situation. Just imagine this happening as a stop-motion film ala the Rankin/Bass specials with only slightly jerky movement and the characters breaking into song every few minutes.**

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Side Hustle

"Ladies and gentlemen, there's been an accident."

Oscar Goldman, director of the Office of Scientific Intelligence, took off his glasses for a moment and rubbed his left eye. He then removed the monocle over his right eye and cleaned it to stall for time and to allow the last few people standing to be seated. "Although this is not a matter of United States security strictly speaking, it is a matter that impacts our citizens as much as those of the rest of the world."

The noise level of the room rose and many of the assembled guests exchanged murmurs among themselves. It calmed down quickly owing to the professionalism and curiosity of those seated.

Their attention returned, Oscar continued. "What I say next can not leave this room, as you will understand in a moment. Earlier this week, while on a routine commercial flight over the Bering Sea a Boeing 727 struck an object and was forced to make an emergency landing in Anchorage. None of the passengers or crew were harmed in the incident." He paused to let the news sink in.

[Musical number "You Haven't Heard Anything Yet" omitted for time]

Although quiet, the general feeling in the room was that the other shoe was about to drop. They weren't called to hear about a routine bird strike.

"A fishing vessel in the area that happened to be filming a television show found the object that the plane struck and returned it to us. I regret to inform you that the object in question was a particularly famous reindeer named Rudolph." Pandemonium ensued as most of those assembled began shouting questions at the same time, creating a din that no one voice could be heard above. Oscar waited a full minute before raising his hands, mostly quieting the crowd. "I have no more information for you at this time, except that he is alive and our top medical team is seeing to his hopeful recovery. Due to the sensational nature of this news, I ask you to hold it to yourselves for 24 hours while the situation is evaluated. At that time we will reconvene and I will give you a more thorough update. Thank you."

...

Beep. Beep. Beep. The medical monitor kept its rhythm as the technicians and medical staff bustled about the room. The center was occupied by a gurney with a large covered lump in the middle, with electrical and IV lines running away to various equipment. A doctor stood by the patient's gurney.

[Medical musical number "I Pick Up the Pieces" omitted for time]

A man entered, dressed in a visitor's gown and went to stand by the doctor stationed at the gurney.

Dr. Rudy Wells greeted the arrival. "Hello Steve, thanks for coming. I realize you're not a doctor, but I felt that you would be able to provide some unique input on the situation here. Did Oscar brief you?"

Colonel Steve Austin, astronaut and a bionic patient of Dr. Wells answered "You bet. When I heard I came over as quickly as I could. How bad is it?"

"He's a reindeer, barely alive; pretty much like you'd expect after being hit by a commercial airliner. He tried to draw up at the last moment and all four legs have been badly broken. His nose has gone out, his tail is missing and his left antler is twisted beyond recognition. As you know, normal reindeer lose their antlers every year and regrow them but the flying variety keep theirs year round."

"That jibes with what we were taught in flight school" Steve agreed.

"I'm not surprised, I would expect the Air Force to be that thorough in their training. It comes down to the fact that we can rebuild him and make him better, stronger, faster; but _do we do it_?" Dr. Wells looked over his patient with concern.

"Rudy, I don't have to tell you what Oscar already thinks. Having Rudolph as one of our agents would provide immeasurable service to the safety of the world, and he has the perfect cover. But let me ask you this: What if he doesn't want to do it? Even assuming it works, it's a big adjustment and he may not want to take on the responsibility."

"The responsibility? The man...er, deer...already is responsible for leading the team that pulls Santa's sleigh. I think keeping the world safe would pale in comparison."

"Yeah, but he has almost the whole year off right now. He'd be giving up a lot of free time."

"Well, what do you suggest? You went through it yourself, Steve."

[Musical duet "What Shall We Do?" omitted for time]

"I say...ask him ourselves. You can bring him out of it to ask, can't you?"

"Sure, I just have to cut back on the sedation long enough for him to come to."

"To come to what?"

"To wake up. He's not going anywhere the way he is. It's settled then, let's get him awake and ask."

Dr. Wells summoned his staff and they adjusted various instruments so that they would be in tune for the next number, then adjusted equipment to awaken Rudolph.

[Musical number "The Last Thing I Remember I was Flying Into a Jet Engine" omitted for time]

"Wow, Steve Austin the astronaut! It's an honor to meet you Mr. Austin" the reindeer enthused after the song ended. Well, as enthusiastic as he could be considering he was strapped to a hospital gurney, wired up with monitors and on pain medication.

"The honor's all mine, Rudolph. I may have been in space, but I have to use an airplane to fly. You do it all by yourself and you get to work for the best boss in the world. And please call me Steve."

"Thanks Steve! But I don't do it alone, I'm part of Santa's team. We all have to do our part to make sure Christmas happens."

"Speaking of teams, I'm on your team now Rudolph, and Steve here would like to talk to you about joining our team. Don't worry, I'm going to take extra care of you because we're both Rudys."

"Gee" Rudolph said as he got a little misty. Or it might have been the medication. "I don't know what you have in mind, but it can't interfere with my job with Santa. It would have to be a side hustle."

[Musical number "Every Other Job Comes after Santa" omitted for time]

[Musical number "What's a Side Hustle?" omitted for copyright issues]

[Musical number "A Side Hustle is..." omitted because it was a stupid song anyway]

"What about Christmas this year?" Rudolph asked Dr. Wells. "Will I be able to pull Santa's sleigh?"

"I may be a little optimistic, but I think with Steve's help you should be completely rebuilt by then. I'm going to be putting a de-icing array in your left antler, your nose will have multi-band spectrum emission..."

"Multi what?"

"It means you can change the color if you want. And your tail will have a collision detection system built into it."

"Wish I had that _before_ the airplane" Rudolph mused.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine by Christmas" Steve assured him.

[Musical number "We'll Make Sure All Your Parts Work" omitted pending censor approval]

"Well, if you'll fix me up and Steve will train me then I'm in!" Rudolph laughed.

"Count on it" Steve agreed. "Maybe we'll even get you your own sound effect for your bionics."

The End

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 **A/N: Just a fun little crossover for the holiday. Rudolph was a staple growing up, and the Six Million Dollar Man was everywhere after the first few episodes. This is more in the spirit of the TV series than the Cyborg novel since it mashes better with Rudolph anyway.**


End file.
